Frustrated Readers Make Great Fans

I haven’t felt this betrayed by a story line since Neo learned that not only was he not the first person to challenge the Matrix, but he was part of the plan all along. Even though I was sorely disappointed in what appeared to be a cop-out story line, I can understand the logic in that disappointing plot twist.

I can’t say the same for Stephenie Meyer’s conclusion to her wildly popular “Twilight” series. Look, I’ve read each of the first three books at least twice, and my grad school entrance paper was a character analysis of Edward Cullen. I loved these books. I read “New Moon” and “Eclipse” in a single day. I’ve been discussing the plot lines and characters with my students for the last two years.

It was a long wait for this final book. And a huge part of me wishes I was still waiting. It was that much of a letdown.

I’m still debating just how to tiptoe through my inevitable conversations with students about this part of the “Twilight” saga. My students were embarrassed enough by the racy parts of “Eclipse”, and they will blush for sure through “Breaking Dawn”. It’s filled with so many adult themes, vivid scenes, and innuendos that I am neither comfortable discussing with my teenage students in the classroom nor recommending to teens. I can deal with that though—good literature should make you think.

However, I cannot reconcile what seemed to be such major changes in the characters’ behaviors and illogical consequences to their actions. For the record, I find the narrator, Bella Swan, to be perhaps the most self-centered and annoying creature to ever grace the pages of a book. (I think I prefer Ignatius Reilly’s arrogance—at least Ignatius came across as sincere.) I’m rather insulted by the fairy-tale like quality of this book, even though it’s about vampires and werewolves living among humans. It’s now also about these creatures mating with humans, and that (in my mind) took it out of the realm of children’s fantasy and moved it into a more mature genre in which a more realistic world should appear.

I am so sorely disappointed in the ending of the Twilight series that I’m not sure I can go see the movie when it comes out. I may just have to wait until I can rent it from Redbox—only if I can use the code for a free rental. Rest assured, though, that I still admire Stephenie Meyer’s ability to create great character-driven books. My ultimate assessment of any literature is that I either love it or hate it. Any less emotion means the author didn’t do their job and captivate my mind. In that sense, this post is a great compliment to the writer.

Amtrak’s Number 1 Fan

I think that had my darling husband realized that my innocent visit to South Carolina would lead to my renewed addictions to anime and sci-fi fiction and a severe reduction in his spare time, he might not have been so quick to agree to my little vacation. Then again, he has known me 9 years now, during which he’s held my hand and rolled his eyes and tossed me a few verbal barbs about my various obsessions with Robert Downey, Jr., The Matrix, medieval literature, and Mexican culture. And those were just the ones that made the most sense to him.

This trip was an adventure for me because it was the first time I have ever ridden on a train (except for the Metro in D.C., but I don’t count that). Let’s just say that I am now a walking Amtrak commercial. The ride was comfortable. The crew was a delight. The food was better than a school cafeteria. The price was unbeatable.

 

I thoroughly enjoyed my time with my family, and I am still processing each moment as they become part of my memory. For now, I suppose what strikes me most is how our families shape us. Despite the fact that I grew up in a town 8 hours away from this side of the family, I see clearly just what pieces of my grandparents are a part of me. Fortunately, it’s more than just a prominent nose and round face.

 

Tucked away in my own quirky sense of humor and dogged determination to my own ideas is the genetic makeup that ties me to other people with the same traits. There’s a certain comfort in knowing that someone else out there will laugh for days at a random picture of a dog birthday party or understand the importance of taking photographs with a head stone. I needed that reminder that although I am a unique creation, I am not alone. For that reason, I do love being viewed in the context of family.

 

All in all, last week was a fabulous experience filled with lots of late night conversations, drives across the Lake Murray Dam, much needed discussions about deceased family members, plenty of laughs, and some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. Between potato pancakes at a local German restaurant to my uncle’s homemade pancakes and enchiladas, I’m surprised I didn’t gain 20 pounds.

My latest Twitter update says it all: “I hate saying good-bye.”

A Long Overdue Introduction

Last Thursday I made a special visit to see the burial site of my paternal grandfather. Since he died before I was born I never had the chance to know him in this life. Yet I have carried his eyes and mouth and head shape and name my entire life, physical proof that we all leave something behind when we leave this world.

 

It was a beautiful moment as I stood looking at the copper plate bearing his name and birth and death years. Here I was as face to face as I could possibly be with him for the first time in my life. I was acutely aware of how much I wish I could have known this church pastor and father and friend. I even whispered, “Hi Grandpa. It took me 31 years, but I’m here now” and couldn’t help but wonder if there’s a protocol for spirits meeting the living.

 

My hopes were high before we reached the cemetary, although I didn’t know exactly what I expected from a plot of skeletons. Just before we left, though, I stood and took one last look at the length of his burial place. At that moment I clearly felt a hand rest on my shoulder and an arm across my back. I believe he met me there for that one brief moment, and we were connected there.

Perhaps the line that divides this life and the next is quite that transparent. And then again, perhaps it is. Life is fluid, flowing freely between us and those connected to us…from the people who stand behind us in line at the grocery store to those who share our genetic makeup.

Here’s a Great Example of My Life’s Commercial Breaks

Right now, I’m feverishly trying to meet a writing deadline for today. I’ve known about it all week, but the diversions of life (like a trip to the only pharmacy in the county that will fill my dog’s prescription, a successful search for a new computer bag, and an irritated piriformis) have a way of sapping my inspiration.

This magazine article is about a fascinating real estate company in Tuscany. In fact, if I had the money, I would buy one of their properties tomorrow just so I could go out for myself and wander the ancient cobblestone streets of Italian villages. And that’s just what I’m trying to convey in this article. So far, I have 162 of 1000 words finished.

Thinking that some wine might push along the creative process, I opened the closest thing I had to an Italian wine. It’s a German auslese: very, very sweet, and it’s from a region far closer to Italy than the Argentine wines on my shelf. So here I am molding the words in my head like modeling clay and sipping a delightful white wine and hoping that the right phrases are somewhere in the ether around me. I really could do this full time, you know.

This has been my life for the last few weeks.

My one creative endeavor has been an experimental poem that’s not quite finished. I watched a documentary on Jack Kerouac last week. Although I’m not a huge fan of his work, I like his concept of spontaneous prose and the idea of seeking out and writing about life’s experiences. One of Kerouac’s more experimental works was a poem about a conversation with the ocean. In the poem, he captured the sounds of the ocean.

With that in mind, I sat on my porch one afternoon as the evening storms were approaching and wrote down what I heard. Keep in my that this is a very rough draft taken directly from my journal. If and when I finish it, I will share the final version. In the meantime here is my “Conversations with the Wind”:

aaaAAHHHAAaaa
Flit-it-it
OOOOoohoooAhhh
Flit-it-flap-flAP-AP-Ap-it
hooooOOOoooohoooOOOooohooo
flit-flap-flap-tit-tit
ShooSheeShaShooSheeSha
haAAAAAAAAAA
hiIIIIIIIiiiii
noHAhaHaoo
shew sha sha shew
dip-dip-flit-tit-tit
whoooooooSHHHHHHoooo
shhhhhHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOoooo
whichachachacha

Some Lessons You Never Learn in Marriage Counseling

It’s been quite a day around here. I woke up this morning and did my usual visualization/motivation activity. That just means I lie in bed with my eyes closed picturing what I want to get accomplished during the day and telling myself with all the gusto of a cheerleader, “Okay, you’re going to get 3 loads of laundry done, write for 2 hours, and pay the bills today. PAY THOSE BILLS!” It’s hokey, I know, but it seems to work for me.

An hour later, I was almost done with the writing had to finish (see, it works) and had a great chat with my sister. That’s when the great bear…er, husband, decided to get out of bed. Apparently it was two hours later than he wanted to get up, and he was rather transparent about how that made him feel. Let’s just say my usual, “I love you” was replaced with a short, “Please don’t raise your voice to me first thing in the morning.”

That’s not exactly my favorite way to start the day. It didn’t get any better.

We had to go buy a tarp to replace the one that was split by a storm the other night. I was driving. I personally believe all marriage vows for women should include the phrase, “I promise to never drive the car while you are in the passenger seat having a bad day.” My dear husband likes to sit in the passenger seat alternately checking the speedometer and whispering expletives just loud enough for me to hear but quiet enough for him to pretend he said nothing. After 15 minutes of this, a few reminders that the light is GREEN!, and a stern reprimand for going 50 in a 30 (“It’s a 4-point ticket!!!!), I was ready to slap him.

Oh, yes, my hand was burning. My nails left scars on the steering wheel.

Maybe it was the shade of burgundy in my face or clenching my jaw so tightly I couldn’t speak, but he got the point that I was done. He cracked some jokes. He opened the door for me. He asked some questions about my day. And my life in general. By the time we made our final stop, I was on limited speaking terms. Of course, I got a little revenge by making him stand by as I tried on shoes and asked his opinion of each one. And I don’t care that he said he never looks at my shoes. He’s the first one to point out when he thinks I’ve paired something that doesn’t match.

It’s still a little icy around here tonight. I really don’t care since I’m not ovulating or anything like that.

I think I might skip the whole visualization thing tomorrow.

Please Turn in Your Dream Dictionaries to Page 318

I had one of those dreams last night that was so vivid and emotionally consuming for me that I can still picture it at noon. There’s no doubt in my mind just what issues my brain was working through. They were pretty much spraypainted all over my subconsious mind.

The funny thing is that I woke this morning with a new sense of hope, something I haven’t felt in a long time. I don’t know if it was God or just my own mind reassuring me that everything is okay, but I KNOW that it will all be okay. In fact, one part of the dream was very specific about certain issues that have bothered me lately.

I know I’m not the only person who thinks about dreams and what they may or may not mean. A quick internet search for “dream meaning” proves this. Personally, I believe that dreams are a venue for our brains to play around with images, ideas, and emotions that we might normally filter out during the day. That said, I also believe they are place where God, our bodies, and our minds can speak to us. After all, we’re pretty much a captive audience. I’m curious what others think about dreams.

1. Why do you think we have dreams?
2. How do you know which dreams have an applicable meaning and which are just nonsense?
3. Do even nonsense dreams have a meaning?

I Fully Expect Someone to Misunderstand This Post

I yelled at God the other night. I sat on my porch soaking up the damp night air and poured out my heart to Him. My frustrations and fears came gushing out amidst the sobs and gut-wrenching pain deep within my soul. The pain was physically real.

At one point, I lashed out with something about how angry I was at Him. Yes, at Him. After all, He’s the great creator of everything. He holds in His power the ability to anything…ANYTHING in my life. And yet, for now, he’s chosen not to do one thing that I want more than anything else right now.

I swear, I could see Him smile at me that knowing smile as He listened to my great display of bitching and moaning. His response was just as clear as could be. “Yeah, you’re right. So if I’m the one who can do ANYTHING and knows EVERYTHING, don’t you think I would if it was the right time?”

This certainly was not the answer I really expected. Nor is it the one I really deserved. Yet, I can say I walked away from that experience with a new knowledge of God’s power. I never before realized that I really do believe in miracles. I really do believe that God has the ability to literally do anything in my life: real, tangible ANYTHING.

And I sense a deeper presence in my life than I did before. There’s a lifted veil in my soul, and I truly believe this is what a relationship with God is all about. The place where I can be real and through that honesty offer whatever I have to Him.

Because You Can Never Get Too Tired of Hearing Someone Complain About the Government

As I sat at my computer working on a writing project and waiting for the goose to finish his bath, I heard a bump outside. I don’t startle easily, but my dogs do, and they proceeded to go berserk, running from window to window letting me know that SOMETHING is outside. Something that could be dangerous or at least fun to sniff.

There was, in fact, a couple outside. My dogs and I watched them pull out a piece of aluminum and then stomp on it until it was flattened. They folded it over. As I’m writing this, they’re trying to figure out how it will fit in their van. I gotta tell ya, that kind of ingenuity simply amazes me, and it’s one of the reasons I get so angry when someone tries to tell me the government is the only salvation for people.

I come from the school of thought that if you want something, you go for it. Period. There’s always a way out there. Health insurance? My slightly overweight husband with a history of back and ear surgeries qualified for health, dental, vision, and life insurance for a price that’s 1/5 of my monthly gas bill. It’s better coverage than what I get through work.

Looking for an education? I worked at a college making just enough money to pay my monthly $250 rent payment with a little left over for utilities and food. I walked to work each day and sometimes worked a part time job at a sandwich shop to save up money for a $600 car. No, I won’t say it was easy, especially when I was walking home at 10:00 at night to eat my dinner of ramen noodles with soy sauce, but I’m glad I did it.

I could go on with example after example from my own life and those around me. I know single mothers who manage to take care of their kids and save money. I’ve cleaned out my own kitchen cupboards to help feed a family. It may take some extra effort. It may require more energy or time. But there’s not a single person out there who is not capable of taking charge of their own life and DOING SOMETHING WITH IT.

Government is not the answer to our problems. The real answer lies within us and our ability to accept responsibility and live responsibly. If that means digging around in the woods for abandoned scrap metal to pay for dinner, so be it. God bless America!

Because I Want to Feel Like I Get SOMETHING for the Taxes I Pay

I am so completely in love with the public library right now. Just the thought of the place makes me blush. It is the most perfect concept ever created. Right after techno music and 400-thread count sheets.

I’ve known for a while now that the library carries DVDs and CDs in addition to ALL THOSE BOOKS about ancient wars and alcoholic writers. I just didn’t realize exactly what they had until I was frantically searching for Charlie Chaplin’s “The Gold Rush” to show to my students.

Today I picked up a movie they had on hold for me. (See how great this is, I can request a specific title that they have anywhere in the county. They have it waiting for me at the location I choose!) I also came home with the entire second season of “Family Ties”.

I sat down to watch some it a little while ago. Other than Big Bang Theory and The Office, I can’t think of the last show that made me giggle quite like this one. The whole experience was such a delight. I so needed to laugh tonight, and this did the trick. Now I just need to hold out until this weekend when I can have a “Family Ties” marathon. I know, party at my house!

In other news, I finally updated my photo blog. I should keep up with it now that I have internet access at home and have figured out the subtle art of uploading photographs on dial-up. Of course, I also have the fabulous free wi-fi at the public library. It might be a nice change of pace to use it for something other than catching up on myspace.

For Those Mornings When the Sunrise Doesn’t Make You Feel Like Dancing

It took me several years to finally admit it, but I struggle with depression from time to time. This was a frightening realization for me because I didn’t quite understand the difference between my mother’s bipolar cycles of depression and the everyday, run-of-the-mill variety. In fact, depression is considered the “common cold” of psychology/psychiatry. No one is completely immune to it, but some of us are more susceptible than others.

I can’t say that I’ve figured out the perfect solution yet. Just this morning I had one of those “just-want-to-crawl-under-the-covers-and-stay-in-bed-all-day” feelings wash over me with the first rays of the sun. Fortunately, I suspected this was coming, and last night I tool some 5-HTP before I went to bed.

Here’s my little pitch for this wonder product. 5-HTP helps balance the seratonin in your brain. When seratonin gets too low (like with depression), you don’t sleep well. If you suffer from depression, you know exactly what I’m talking about. For me, anyway, taking this stuff when I feel my mood sinking helps stave it off. Of course, I still have to work through my emotions and thoughts, but I can deal with that when my physical body is working.

Now that I woke up rested for a change, I just might be able to get some things crossed off my to-do list. I put it together at 1:00 a.m., and it’s quite lengthy. But if scheduling my time doesn’t seem to do anything for my, have a stinkin’ list seems to keep everything in perspective. Something about it brings out the divide and conquer instinct within me.

(Fingers crossed that I finish my niece’s quilt in the next few days.)